We stood before a minister, taking those sacred wedding vows, but five months later we were beginning to feel like this was not going to work. Our marriage was in the first stages of disintegration. No matter how sincerely we were trying to communicate, we could not connect. Words, phrases and actions said something different to one than what the other was meaning. We didn’t have the same language because we didn’t have the same words. We didn’t even have the same alphabet.
Chris’ A was not the same as Carol’s A. Chris’ B was not the same as Carol’s B. Chris’ C was not the same as Carol’s C. If our letters were not the same, then certainly our spelling wasn’t the same. If our spelling wasn’t the same, then our words were not the same.
We had to find a way to stay connected with one another while we engaged in this process of understanding one another.
We cannot recall the exact date and time, but following another one of those frustrating and futile moments of trying to communicate, we sat down together to try to reach some agreed place from which we could deal with one another. It was really out of desperation that we came up with an agreement. We weren’t trying to be deep or super spiritual. We were just trying to find some common ground.
So we made a PACT and it went something like this:
“I choose to believe that no matter how you say, what you say to me, that you are not intentionally trying to hurt me. I choose to believe that no matter how you say, what you say to me, that you meant it for my good. I choose to believe that no matter how you say, what you say to me, that you love me.”
Our pact was simply the golden rule being applied to our relationship. When we made this pact, we had no idea how significant it was going to be. We just felt a new sense of peace. It was like we were finally, really married. We had slowly moved beyond the soaring emotional connections of love and advanced to a solid unconditional acceptance of one another.
We had forged the Golden Rule into our marriage. We had each said, “I will treat you the way that I want to be treated. I will trust you the way that I want to be trusted.”
We had a new security. We had tapped into a secret place from which we could begin learning one another’s alphabet; and thus begin to piece together words and sentences. Simultaneously, we could build a stronger connection between us. It was like working on our health while working on an injury at the same time.
The golden rule has been a huge part of the foundation of our marriage for more than 35 years. For many years we have been teaching it as a healing prescription for the couples that we coach.
Sometimes our family and friends comment on our present ability to communicate in a manner that seems almost telepathic. We can just say one word or give a brief glance across a room and we are able to conduct an entire conversation in a few seconds.
This new level of communication began when a couple that had only been married for six months, in a moment of desperation, made a golden rule choice for their relationship.
Marriage Coaches Chris and Carol Green
World Peace Ambassador, Dr. Clyde Rivers calls Chris and Carol Green the leading skilled experts in rebuilding, restoring and renewing hearts and homes. The Greens are certified master life coaches who founded the Fruitful Life Network, Inc. an innovative community care and coaching outreach. They are international columnist/writers with the award winning team of Dr. Clyde Rivers and iChange Nations Social Media News™.
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